I Have Loved

I have loved in a real way.
I have found the place in me
that I was not willing to go.
I have discovered that I can be
fearlessly, lovingly, wisely honest.
I know now that I can laugh with abandon
at the seemingly bad days.
I have learned what it means to
consult without passion.
I have loved in a real way.
To love as I have requires
the ability to be detached.
To love as I have requires
the virtues of patience and understanding.

I am standing at a crossroads.
My heart is aching and in pain
of my own choosing for this is all
I have known how to do.
To pain.
A new road is open to me
and it is a hard road.
It is an unfamiliar road
but I know that it means
revelation and salvation.
It is embracing time free of
attachments to the past.
I know taking this road means
that I get to discover something
I have wanted
for a lifetime...
love for me.

Grieving

i miss you in a way that makes it hard to breathe.
you became part of my beating heart.
distancing myself from you is like
walking away from the warmth of the sun
into the coldest of nights.

i ache for you in a way that makes my eyes water.
a constant dull yearning just under
the skin that i cannot reach to sooth.
every piece of me longs for the sound of
your voice and the touch of your cheek.

ahhh, to have fallen in love
only to find that i am alone
was the death of hope.
hope does not live in my heart for you.
such hope would bring only despair.
i grieve for hope's death.
i grieve.