Venting Words Long Silent

i curse you for the pain you dropped

into my life and then blithely danced

off into the future.

it pains me still

the hurt from so

long ago

that feels so fresh.

it pains me now

realizing the time

i lost trying to

get over

trying to heal.

i curse you for the pain you dropped

into my life and then blithely danced

off into the future.

it pains me now

what i lost

which was the core

of me

my poetic voice

my potential to dance.

it pains me now

to see that you lost no time

perfecting your skills

while i was in intensive care.

it pains me now

to see that i am only a

sliver of who i once was

my body no longer young

and pliable

my voice no longer free

and unrestrained

harder to train

harder to perfect.

i curse you for the pain you dropped

into my life and then blithely danced

off into the future.

i wish i could erase

you from my cellular memory.

i wish i had never

heard your dark name.

i wish i could get back

all the years that i

lost giving up on myself.

i am on the other side

seeing with perfect vision

and what a waste you were

to me.

all that i have learned

all the wisdom i have gained

all the losses i have sustained

all the healing i have done

were a result of my own choices,

my response to the only powerful

influence you had on my life

which was pain.

i curse you for the pain you dropped

into my life and then blithely danced

off into the future.

you may have known disappointment

your ego may have been bruised

you may have felt rejected

yet, you felt no pain that was debilitating,

you wasted no time

nothing held you back

from following your dreams.

i curse you for the pain you dropped

into my life and then blithely danced

off into the future.

i hope that by releasing these words

i release myself.

i hope they exorcise you from my memory.

i hope these words burn away any feelings

towards you of malice or kindness.

i hope i have the strength to overcome

the doubt you placed in my heart

to find the faith and courage

to take up where i left off.

i hope i can strip away feeling

the victim once and for all

gaining the power to fulfill my reason

for being here.

i hope i can change these feelings of

anger

hate

loathing

that fuel my self denial into

love

acceptance

faith

that fuel my movement

toward self fulfillment and love.

soon enough i will relegated you

to a small, insignificant dot

on my life line,

that if not for the pain you brought,

you will be to me

what i was and am to you-

insignificant and worthless.