words waiting

 i don't want to give u the world, just 
me. it s enough, cuz, u see, i am a 
world reflected in urs, is beautiful

here's a flashlight, for
when the road gets dark (and
a walking stick for the hike up
or back down; its not easy
to not trip when ur tipsy on-
and i kno how u like whiskey, so
here is a silver flask)

if ur hand is cold, i ll knit u some mittens
and one for ur nose too, i kno how it gets 
lonely and tired following the scent of ur
dream s trail,

the sun rising hurts because it remembers u
the moon moving hurts because it loves far u
the ocean waves because it s waiting for u
the wind blows to u because it s my breath
u hurt n laugh because u r alive

and u can be up or down, i m a roller ride too,
u can left or right, south or north cuz i ve been
spinning too, u can deflate n burst cuz i won t st-
op breathing either, hey that birthmark on ur skin
is lovely, a training wheel

love, if tomorrow i m not next to u, dont worry it
s only my body missing but, u see, i am a
world reflected in u looking back at me

         - to me from the boy with the African eyes, 1999

Memories In Song

 I think of days gone by

wishing I had 

a picture 

a video

but I have music.

In melody, lyric, sound 

memories flood my mind 

longing fills my heart 

for a moment I am in 

a time

a place 

long gone by. 

My Oldest Dearest Friend

The holder of my heart 

The seat of my soul

Young girl running, playing, hiking in woods 

Laying in tall grass contemplating the universe out there and in here

Sunkissed, wind touched skin

Vanquished abuser - one word, feet planted, straight back

Cared for siblings with gentle hands and fearful heart

The vessel for my children 

Survivor of a difficult delivery and a silent heartbeat 

Repository of the potential and fulfillment of creativity

Bearer of scars from falls and broken hearts

World traveller, spirit at peace, finding reflections of itself in Asma, Sofia, Faysal - countless hearts speaking to mine

Beautiful to the grandmother on the elevator, the man on the subway

Salsa Queen birthed from African and Indigenous rhythms, bound to ancestors through melody and movement 

The tether of  my soul in this first life, each phase full of learning, growth that I my take with me when the tether is no more

Learning to love with grace, compassion, authenticity all the phases as time passes. 

Gratitude for my oldest, dearest friend. 

10 Years In Tears

Time slips between fingers

Opened in submission 

Clutched in desperation 

Flying by a train's window 

Sliding off a plane's wing

Time trapped in memory 

becomes nostalgia. 

Dissipates in the breaths

of goodbye

Dies on the whispered hopes

of a child 

Collapses woman into girl

with the necessity of survival 

Light returned to sun across 

the soul's infinity 

Ten years in tears 

Ten years in laughter

Ten years in dance

Time does not heal all wounds. 

The Time Remaining

Words fall onto my heart with a softness that soothes.

Meaning wrapped in love finds the barren place. 

Whispers of understanding like wind gently caressing my face. 

Worth beyond gold was always at the center, shining brightly in the Universe of my creation. 

Questing has always been to return to the sacred place. 

Divinely formed with purpose from the very beginning. 

Light of powerful wisdom flowing  from crown to sole. 

Never alone on this quest for healing.

Shaking off the grime of others' choices. 

Remembering the power of the Word stand in the sacred place. 

Claim the treasures of worth and purpose. 

Trust in my choice to be here at this Time. 

Center purpose, love, wisdom, trust on the quest that will take me Home. 

Words fall onto my heart with a softness that soothes.

The Dance

I can't go back 

I can't go back to disconnection 

I can't go back to youthful ignorance 

I can't go back to fragments 

I can't go back only feeling whole in movement

I can only move forward

My mind is different 

My body is different 

My relation to the world is different 

I want more 

I want authenticity

I want connection

I want coherence 

I want to move in wholeness in all ways 

I want to love myself in all of my incarnations 

Then the dance will truly be mine

Two Cups of Tea: Pilgrimage 5

CHICAGO 

I give myself two cups of tea 

to write of you one last time.

The last love of my youth.

The breaking of the long dark night.

Deeper insights into my soul

A knowledge quest of 24 years 

It was you but about me

and it took decades to understand. 

The breaking was not my soul.

The breaking was not my heart.

The breaking was the carapace

that protected me and stunted me.

Loving you broke that shell 

leaving me raw, unprotected, young.

I have tried over and to put the pieces together, but they turned to sand, leaving me open to pain and learning. 

It took me two decades to get it.

That love was not the problem

The demons and ghosts of memories 

locked in cell and bone were the trouble.

Would I have chosen you if I were not hunted? 

Would I have embarked on a twenty year

knowledge quest if I had not chosen you?

Would I have felt the embrace of God had I not chosen you? 

Would I have become a purified diamond had I not chosen you? 

Would the end of this quest ever have come had I not chosen you? 

no.

Gratitude for my integrity making it impossible to consider reconnecting. 

Gratitude for disassociation that I could live long enough to let anger carry me away. 

Gratitude to anger for keeping me alive. 

Gratitude to self preservation for keeping up the wall.

Gratitude to the broken girl that chose cycle breaking as her life's legacy. 

It was always about wound healing. 

To the last love of my youth, 

I hope life has taught you the lessons you needed.

I hope you are at peace 

I hope you are happy

I hope you remember me

Be at peace. It is done. 

It took only one cup of tea.